We're like a lot better than the average bears
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
