just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
