i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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