I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
