Porn is love you can see.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
