just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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