Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
