Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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