swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
