i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
