Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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