I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
