the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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