Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
