At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hippo gnu deer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
