and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
