You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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