I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Operation Purity has been aborted
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
