We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
