Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
