Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
