I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
