So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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