the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This house was built for laser tag.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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