dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
