My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His nipple licking is glorious
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