Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
