i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
