Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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