I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
