hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize