every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
