When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
