sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
