My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
