this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
