I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
