it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
