I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
