hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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