I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
