He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
