She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Couch. On fire.
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