Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Boobs are out for the taking
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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