And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
