I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
