Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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