in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
