drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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