fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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