I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
