found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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