I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
