At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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