I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
