I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
