well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
