Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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