you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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