It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
