Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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