I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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