Already got asked if we're dating
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
