I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
