but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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