you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
