new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well you can't waste a boner
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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