we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
