why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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