it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize