I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
