Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
